imalazybum

If you are trying to quit cigarette smoking or smoking of any kind, whether it is for health reasons, to save money, or if you are just fed up with being the odd one out and having to sneak off for a crafty smoke, then you will need some “Smoking Quit Tips” and I hope that the following 10 ways to quit smoking will help.

1) Stopping smoking is not easy as you will probably know if you have tried to quit cigarette smoking before. Firstly you must make a positive decision to quit. This may sound obvious but if you are trying to quit just to please someone else (your partner, or your family) then you have less chance of succeeding. You must really want to quit for YOURSELF.

2) Making a list of the reasons why you want to quit cigarette smoking will help you. Think of the effect that smoking is having on your health, think of the inconvenience of having to go outside or into another part of the house just to have a cigarette. Whatever you think of to put into your list keep it with you so that you have a constant reminder of why you are quitting.

3) Work out exactly what you are spending on smoking, how much does your habit cost you. What are you spending on a daily, weekly, monthly, or even yearly basis? You will be surprised at just how much of your hard earned cash is just literally going up in smoke. On the positive side don’t forget to think of all the nice things that you could be spending that cash on.

4) Make a note of the times that you will miss smoking the most i.e. after a meal, or at certain times of the day. This way you can be prepared and even plan to do something that will take your mind off of smoking. You could for example go for a short walk after a meal instead of having that smoke.

5) Let your family and friends know that you are going to quit cigarette smoking. It’s amazing how much support you will receive, and this really helps.

6) Quit smoking one day at a time. Don’t think things like “can I really quit smoking for good” instead say to yourself “I will not smoke today” this is a lot easier for you to take in. Then do the same thing the next day and you will be surprised how quick a week will pass.

7) If you have a friend who is also trying to quit cigarette smoking then try to do it together. Don’t make it a competition but rather be there for each other for help and support.

When you feel the urge to smoke do something to take your mind off of the craving. Try chewing gum or nibble on some nuts or healthy snacks (not sweets) and also drink plenty of water and fruit juice.

9) Remove all temptations from around the house. Don’t leave cigarette packets lying about; put all the ash-trays and anything else associated with smoking (lighters, matches, etc) away in a cupboard out of site.

10) Try to quit smoking when you know you will not be put under stress. Pick a week to start when you are on vacation or are going to be at home in a relaxed atmosphere.

These 10 ways to quit smoking are all sound and proven “Smoking Quit Tips” they will all help you to quit cigarette smoking. But you will also need some willpower to achieve your goal. Some people who have tried and failed because of this lack of willpower have found that hypnosis has worked for them. With quit smoking hypnotherapy it gives you a really great start with a higher chance of succeeding. To find out more about quit smoking hypnotherapy just click on the link below.

Discover How To Quit Cigarette Smoking With Quit Smoking Hypnotherapy visit our site at: http://www.BuyTryReview.com/category/health http://www.buytryreview.com/recommends/easyquithypnosis

Contrary to popular belief, making a quick buck by using online casino bonuses is very feasible. Most online casinos dangle free money bonuses in front of potential customers to try and entice them to their site. The secret to making a profit is by using an established system rather than of relying on often misguided judgements and guesses.

At the end of the day, this is what will separate the so-called professional gamblers from your average everyday punter. For the most part, players will lose their hard earned cash and the casinos are well aware of this. They recognise that even with a few initial wins, the punter will most probably end up losing eventually. The reason for this is because most regular gamblers do not have any sort of plan going into a game and they tend to put on their bets because of good feelings or hunches they may have, or even because they have received some alleged insider information or free tips - basically they are laying a wager and leaving the outcome up to lady luck! A professional casino gambler will never take any risks with their income, so will always bet by using a gambling strategy that has been proven to be profitable to them, or someone they know, in the past.

Obviously any system will suffer the occasional loss so this would always be taken into consideration by a professional gambler. Nearly all online casino gamblers have the ability to make vast profits from the bonuses which have been offered as bait to sign them up. There are certain ways that these bonuses can be used and then turned into literally thousands of dollars and most of these casinos will cash out any bonuses within five to seven working days.

To begin making money from these online casino bonuses, a gambler would have to search for a good quality casino bonus system. They would have to find out whether these systems come with a money back guarantee or if there is any evidence of results the system claims to achieve and also whether the person selling the particular system is prepared to have a public face attached to what they do? Do not even entertain the thought of acquiring a system whose seller is anonymous and doesn’t offer any kind of guarantee or support.

Once a good gambling system for winning at online casinos has been acquired, practise it initially without the use of real money. It will not take too long and will assist in checking out how everything works. Once you have had a few dummy runs, it is the time to start for real! It must be remembered that the most important aspect to being successful is to not be tempted to gamble outside of your plan or bet just for fun. Attempting to earn money from online gambling casinos has to be approached just like a real business venture. Taking a few hours to work at it each day, together with an ordered approach, there is some very good money to be made with casino bonuses.

Discover the best gambling strategies including an amazing roulette system with a 99.4% win rate. Free video and report reveals all at: http://www.EasyCasinoProfits.com

Fishing reel variety can be quite difficult if you are new to the fishing sport, because they come in all shapes, sizes, designs, and amounts.

Fishing is the pursuit of catching fish. There are many fishing methods such as trapping, netting, gathering and angling. Additionally, the term fishing is useful to haunting other aquatic animals such as different types of shellfish, turtles, squids, frogs and other edible marine invertebrates. The term fishing is not commonly applied to haunting aquatic mammals like whales. The term “whaling” is more appropriate or other profitable fish farming.

Fishing is an antiquated and universal practice with several techniques and traditions. It has been changed by advance technological developments.

In addition to food providing harvesting fish, fishing is both a recreational and professional sport.

Taking fishing either recreational /professional sports or way of living, you need to have a proper and effective equipment to make your fishing venture a successful one. Fishing reels are one of those various tools used in fishing. Fishing reel variety can be quite difficult if you are new to the fishing sport, because they come in all sizes, shapes, designs, and amounts. Some basic understanding of the types of fishing reels available and the uses for which they are designed can be absolutely beneficial before setting out to buy a new fishing rig. Making yourself knowledgeable to fishing reels will not only reward you with the certainty that you are buying the right reel, but are likely to save you a lot of money.

Here is some of the basis fishing reels existing for your fishing undertaking. First, there are four basic types of fishing reels that includes the spin casting reel, the spinning reel, the casting or bait-casting reel, and the fly fishing reel. The purpose of each type is the same and it is to catch fish, however, the techniques for casting and using each type is quite different.

The Spin casting Reel is the most basic type of fishing reel, and is the type that most young fishermen set out with. This reel is completely enclosed in a cover with a small hole at the end of it, from which the line plays out. There is a spindle inside the housing that secures the line, and there is a trigger on the backside of the reel that looses the line for casting. This type of reel is a preferred for beginners because it doesn’t tangle easily and it cast very easily. The one major disadvantage of the spin casting reel is that it does not cast as far as some of the other fishing reel types.

The Spinning Reel is the common type of reel you will come across. This reel has an expose, visible, spool with a wire loop called a bail. This bail moves around the spool as you crank the line back in. It also guides the fishing line back onto the spool. These types of reels usually have some kind of drag adjustment, as well as an anti-reverse mechanism that stops the line from playing back out when you decide to stop cranking. These reels usually suspended below the rod, while the spin casting reel is mounted on top of the rod. The main disadvantage of the spinning reel is that it tangles much easier than a spin-casting reel. This is compensating by the fact that a spinning reel can cast much advance.

Now that you know some of the types of reels obtainable and the ways in which each are used, you can safely decide which type of fishing reel is reasonable for you.

For more information on Fishing Reels please visit our website.

Swimsuits are designed to cover at least the genitals and in most conservative culture the breast of a woman. It can be body-hugging or loosely fitting and there are a variety from garments designed to maintain as much modesty as possible to the garments designed to expose as much of the body as possible without the actual nudity. Men’s swim wear styles are swimming trunks such as board shorts, jammers, Speedo style briefs, thongs, briefs, g-strings, or bikini while women’s swim wear are generally either one piece, bikinis, or thongs.

Recently, there is an improvement made for women’s swimsuit, the Burqini is more conservative clothing that were designed for Muslim women. This type of swim wear covers the whole body and head but not the face in a way similar to a diver’s wet suit. The another type of swimsuit that most often takes the shape of a bikini bottom without the corresponding top that leaves the women’s breast uncovered.

This swimsuit commonly used by women in many places throughout South America and Europe, though due to particularly severe culturally and socially forbidden they are almost never seen in the United State except in some places with a strong European culture influence. There are also special kinds of swimsuits for competitive swimming that is designed to reduce skin drag, and can resemble unitards; this called the Dive skins swimwear. This suit is made from spandex and provides little thermal protection but it protects the skin from abrasion and stings. Some of the competitive swimmers also wear special swimsuits that include the partial and full bodysuits and racer backs styles, jammers, and racing briefs to help their glide through the water and gain speed advantages.

Swimming without a swimsuit is a form of social nudity but in some special nude beaches may be reserved for nude sunbathing and swimming. As another option to a bathing suit, some people uses their trousers, underpants or t-shirts as a make shift swimsuit. At swimming pools this norm is not permitted because underwear is unlined, may become translucent and may be perceived as unclean unlike is some beaches this is considered to be more relaxed and more comfortable. Wearing swimsuit is also for the purpose of body display in beauty pageants.

Choosing your swimwear is a matter of personal tastes and styles and a space to express our individuality. More swimsuits company offers high quality and stylish swimsuits that will fit your body. A lot of this store offers helpful information for finding the right swimsuit for you, the latest trends, styles and fitting ideas and tips for washing and maintaining your swimsuits. Be honest with yourself about your swimsuit fit, if your skin is full to bursting anywhere, you may need to try a larger size because bathing suit sizes tend to be very different and more traditional than most clothing.

Always remember that swimsuits tend to enlarge a bit when it is wet, so make sure that your swimsuit is not already too large when you buy it because you definitely don’t want to lose it when you dive into the pool. Be sure that the swimsuit you will buy is from high quality fabrics and threads and guaranteed to last and it will complement and enhance your personal and trend setting styles in you. And most importantly it will give you comfort and confidence while wearing it and you are assured that its designed is fit for your figure.

For more information on Swimsuits please visit our website.

A billiard room is simply defined as a room for group of people who play billiards. There are many billiards parlors nowadays and more and more people including the young and old go to these parlors for night out.

Billiard parlors are exclusively made from the idea of guy’s and ladies time together since it is merely changing these days with the start of billiards parlors or pool parlors. Billiard parlors range from essential to expensive parlors. Upscale billiards parlors normally have a lot of tables that can hold more than 500 guests in few cases and has a bar as well.

A number of billiard parlors can provide accommodation for private parties, shopping, and even parking, with an array of package deals. During the 1990’s the idea of a billiard parlors was just a room with a billiard tables and sticks and balls to play. Most of it had no ambience but is very useful, just made exclusively for playing billiards. At the moment, the billiards parlors have revolutionized as compared to what the previous billiards room was. A contemporary billiard parlor offers ambience drinks, serves food and offers other kinds of entertainment. Wi-fi music and plasma screen televisions are provided to entertain guests. Normally, a billiard parlor has 40 tables or more along with other games like snooker and other indoor games. Ideally, it’s meant for a group of friends who come to play and doesn’t want to be included to other groups or doesn’t want to share their table with anybody else.

Originally, before snooker was invented, Billiards is already a popular game. A set of rules are implemented before you play the game. Billiards is composed of strategy, preparation and excellence. In this game, players as a rule must have a lot of forethoughts before they play. It is somewhat compared to golf. You cannot learn and master them instantly since there are basic rules and regulations and some code of conduct to be followed while playing it. It is a serious game that needs professional attitude with a lot of concentration, thoughts, strategy and then exercise of mind. It is a game of composure and it doesn’t need all that physical activity but only definite postures that you might develop during the game.

Billiard games uses cue. A cue is a long stick that is used to hit the balls that are kept on the billiard board. Cues are held with both of your hands. The players usually hold one end of the cue and then place the tip of the cue between the fingers of the other hand. Both hands work together to fold the cue firmly before it aims a certain ball. On the other hand, the balls that will be used for the game is arranged on a triangular shape and is located just above the billiards table. The cue is used to hit the balls in order to disperse it and then the game continues after that.

The entire game of billiards actually depends on how the balls are hit by the player for the first time. Right after the first shot, the player must be able to strategize his moves and plan how to hit each ball for him to win the game. In short, victory is the result of a planned effort in the billiards game. In Billiards, a trick shot is something that you do to manipulate the balls, but mostly it is unlikely to happen. Trick shots are practiced expensively and looked at with remarkable interest. Most players practice these trick shots and create new trick shots that can be used during the game. Professional players normally include this billiard trick shot as part of their regular game. In artistic billiards the players usually obtain seventy challenges that they need to complete. However, Billiard competitions that allow trick shots regularly allow the players to complete these trick shots. Indeed, Billiard is one kind of game that you can never take as it comes.

For more information on Billiard Parlors please visit our website.

What would it take to make you happy? A fulfilling career, a big bank account or the perfect mate? What if it didn’t take anything to make you happy? What if you could experience happiness from the inside out — no matter what’s going on in your life?

I can tell you that this is possible. Real happiness isn’t based on what we have or achieve in life — it’s a physiological state of lasting inner peace and well being that isn’t dependent of any conditions in our day-to-day lives.

Here are a few tips from my newly published book, Happy for No Reason: 7 Steps to Being Happier from the Inside Out that will get you started:

#1 People who are Happy for No Reason incline their minds toward joy. You have 60,000 thoughts each day; 95 percent of them are the same thoughts you had yesterday and the day before, and for the average person, 80% are negative. The reason for this is a primitive survival mechanism that scientists call our “negativity bias” - we pay more attention to the negative than the positive. To reverse the negativity bias, get into the daily habit of consciously registering the positive around you. Once you notice something positive, take a moment to savor it. Take the good experience in deeply and feel it; make it more than just a mental observation. Spend 30 seconds soaking up the happiness you feel.

#2 People who are Happy for No Reason let love lead in their life. They recognize that their heart is key to their happiness. The Institute of Heartmath found that the heart has an electromagnetic field around it that is 5,000 times more powerful than the mind’s. You can power up your heart’s flow by sending lovingkindness to anyone and everyone you see. Next time you’re stuck in a line at the store, caught up in traffic or simply walking down the street, look around and send a silent wish to the people you see for their happiness, well-being and health. It doesn’t have to be dramatic; merely wishing others well switches on the “pump” that generates love in the heart and creates a strong current of happiness.

#3 People who are Happy for No Reason make the cells in their body happy - they create the physiology of happiness. One important way of doing this is through proper deep breathing. Stop and notice how you’re breathing right now. If you’re like most people, you breathe shallowly from your chest cavity alone and not deeply from your belly. Shallow breathing merely keeps you alive, while deep belly breathing cleanses your cellular pathways and opens the way for happiness-enhancing chemicals to flow. To help train your body to breathe deeply, place your hand on your belly and as you inhale through your nose, make sure your hand moves out on your inhale and back in on your exhale. Take 10 deep breathes this way at least three times a day.

#4 People who are Happy for No Reason feel plugged into Spirit. By Spirit I mean universal source, unified field, God — whatever you choose to call it. One way to feel plugged in is to listen the voice of your higher wisdom. The next time you have a question or perplexing situation, write your question or situation on the top of a piece of paper. Then sit quietly, open yourself to listen to your inner voice. Then write whatever comes to you without censoring, not reading what you have written as you go. Let the deepest part of your being flow through you. Now read over what you’ve written—you may be quite surprised at what wisdom has come out.

#5 People who are Happy for No Reason surround themselves with support. Spending time with those you love — family, friends, or pets — can help reset the balance of your biology towards happiness, so it’s important to make wise choices about the company you keep. Create appropriate boundaries with emotional bullies and “happiness vampires” who suck the life out of you. Develop your happiness “dream team” — a mastermind group or support group you meet with regularly to keep you steady on the path of raising your happiness set point.

Marci Shimoff is author of the new book Happy for No Reason: 7 Steps to Being Happy from the Inside Out; plus Chicken Soup for the Woman’s Soul and Chicken Soup for the Mother’s Soul, making her one of the bestselling female nonfiction authors of all time. She’s also a featured teacher in the international film and book phenomenon, The Secret. Visit Happy for No Reason.

One of the biggest Happiness Blockers in today’s world is what I call the Myth of More: that shared, insidious, and often unconscious belief that more toys, success and money means more happiness. In my research for my book Happy for No Reason: 7 Steps to Being Happy from the Inside Out, I came upon this startling statistic: nearly 40% of the people on the Forbes list of Wealthiest Americans are less happy than the average American. Although we know deep inside that our “desire to acquire” won’t bring us true joy, why is it so hard to escape?

Because Madison Avenue doesn’t want us to. Advertising exists to perpetuate the Myth of More. Billions of dollars are spent every year to convince you that you’re not okay the way you are and that you need things — lots and lots of them — to make you happy.

With children watching an average of five hours of television a day, is it any surprise that we have a bunch of unhappy kids in a frenzy to get the next toy, video game or designer-label jeans? If you’ve been around children at Christmas, you’ll know why I was so touched by the following story that a young father I interviewed told me:

When my oldest daughter, Victoria, was almost three, we read Dr. Seuss’s How the Grinch Stole Christmas every night to her before the holiday.

She’d curl up beside me as I’d read: Every Who down in Who-ville liked Christmas a lot….

Victoria followed along as The Grinch unveils his plans to ruin the Christmas of the Whos. Disguising himself as Santa and his dog as a reindeer, The Grinch steals into the Whos’ homes and takes everything, leaving only the hooks and wires on the bare walls. But to his surprise, the Whos remain happy despite the loss of the presents and trees and trimmings and trappings. He hadn’t stopped Christmas from coming; “it came just the same.”

That Christmas morning, we woke just ahead of Victoria so that we could watch her three-year-old enthusiasm as she saw the presents under the tree. She first ran to the kitchen table where she had left a snack for Santa and his reindeer. She looked at the evidence of Santa’s visit: the cookie crumbs on the plate and the empty milk glass and the missing carrots. My wife, pregnant with our second child, and I beamed seeing our daughter so wide-eyed and excited at the thought that Santa himself had been in our home. Next, she ran into the living room and saw the presents under the tree.

We expected her to dive into them — but she didn’t. She held up her little hand and she said, “Stop. Let’s pretend. Let’s pretend The Grinch has been here and took everything and left just hooks and wires and we’d still be happy.”

So we stopped, and were happy. And like The Grinch, my heart grew three sizes that day.

Imagine what your life would be like if you could “still be happy” no matter what? When you’re Happy for No Reason, you enjoy the things in your life, but don’t look to them to make you happy. You bring your happiness to your life experiences, rather than trying to extract your happiness from your life experiences.

And that’s the happiness that will last!

Marci Shimoff is author of the new book Happy for No Reason: 7 Steps to Being Happy from the Inside Out; plus Chicken Soup for the Woman’s Soul and Chicken Soup for the Mother’s Soul, making her one of the bestselling female nonfiction authors of all time. She’s also a featured teacher in the international film and book phenomenon, The Secret. Visit Happy for No Reason.

In prehistoric days, when cavemen Ugh and his wife, Mrs. Ugh were trying to survive long enough to raise the baby Ughs, they had to pay more attention to potential threats than positive events to avoid dangers like being eaten by a saber-toothed tiger.

This selective attention to negativity is what allowed Mr. and Mrs. Ugh and all the baby Ughs to survive. If you wanted to live a long life, it was better to react to every single thing that might be life-threatening, even if it turned out to be harmless, than to ignore something truly lethal. Our ancestors were the “Nervous Nellies” and “Fearful Franks” of the tribe; the people who were more “relaxed” about these possibly dangerous situations usually weren’t around long enough to have kids and pass on their genes!

Today, even though we don’t have to be on the lookout for tigers anymore — well, at least not in my neighborhood — we’re still hard-wired the same way. For my book on unconditional happiness called Happy for No Reason, I interviewed psychologist and brain researcher Dr. Rick Hanson, who explained this phenomenon. He told me that our brains are “Velcro for negativity and Teflon for positivity.” Our negative experiences “stick” to us like Velcro, while our positive experiences slide right off of us like Teflon.

I’m sure you’ve noticed this yourself. If you receive ten compliments and one insult, which do you remember? If you’re like most people, you’ll make yourself miserable by stewing on the insult for hours, overlooking the larger number of positive messages. Psychologists call this tendency to respond more intensely to disturbing thoughts and experiences, our “negativity bias.”

To reverse this bias, start registering your happy experiences more deeply. Have the intention to notice everything good that happens to you: any positive thought you have, anything you see, feel, taste, hear or smell that brings you pleasure, a “win” you experience, a breakthrough in your understanding about something, an expression of your creativity — the list goes on and on. This intention activates the reticular activating system (RAS), a group of cells at the base of your brain stem responsible for sorting through the massive amounts of incoming information and bringing anything important to your attention. Have you ever bought a car and then suddenly starting noticing the same make of car everywhere? It’s the RAS at work. Now you can use it to be happier. When you decide to look for the positive, your RAS makes sure that’s what you see.

Once you notice something positive, take a moment to savor it consciously. Take the good experience in deeply and feel it; make it more than just a mental observation. If possible, spend around 30 seconds, soaking up the happiness you feel. If you want to accelerate your progress, take time every day to write down a few of your wins, breakthroughs, and things you appreciate about others — and about yourself. This simple but powerful “Happiness Habit” will shift the balance of power in your mind — tilting the Velcro/Teflon ratio in your brain toward happiness. This is one of the keys to becoming Happy for No Reason.

Marci Shimoff is author of the new book Happy for No Reason: 7 Steps to Being Happy from the Inside Out; plus Chicken Soup for the Woman’s Soul and Chicken Soup for the Mother’s Soul, making her one of the bestselling female nonfiction authors of all time. She’s also a featured teacher in the international film and book phenomenon, The Secret. Visit Happy for No Reason.

A lot of people want to take advantage of the benefits of regular sauna sessions. However, their lifestyle makes it hard for them to go somewhere and use a public sauna or they just want privacy while in the sauna. Having a home sauna is a great solution for someone that wants to have their own sauna so that they can enjoy the privacy of being in their own home as well as the convenience of being able to fit it around their busy lifestyle.

There is a couple of ways you can go about having a home sauna. The first one that I will explain is a sauna that is already built for you. These are quite a bit easier to install than sauna kits. One of the best parts of getting a sauna that has already been built is that it has already been put together in several large pieces that you just have to fit together, much like a puzzle. This option is great if you want to be able to move your sauna to a new location. This is a great way to save time, although this can be a more expensive option when you are wanting to get your own home sauna.

The second option that you have is purchasing a sauna kit. Simply put, this is a package that includes all of the pieces that you will need to build your home sauna. All you need is a few tools to help you put the sauna kit together. It is actually a pretty simple process to build your own home sauna by using a sauna kit. This is the more cost-effective approach of having your own home sauna and it is also what is used for many do-it-yourself projects.

You can also invite your friends and family to take part in a sauna session at your home.

If you had a tense and stressful day, kick your home sauna on and relax. This will help loosen your tight muscles allowing you to feel rejuvenated. Everyone needs to wind down and get their body to feeling better after a hard day at work. Your home sauna will be waiting for you to come home and relax with a refreshing sauna session.

By being at your home, you can promote good health on your own time schedule. In this day in age, lives seem to get pretty hectic and sometimes we never know when we will get a break from it. This makes it harder to go to a public facility to have your regular sauna session. By having a home sauna you will be able to have a sauna session any time of the day or night. You will no longer have to drive across town and use the public sauna.

Having a home sauna is a great addition that you can easily make to your house. The personal and health benefits are truly worth having your own home sauna. When you first install a home sauna, there are some techniques that you need to keep in mind. Make sure that you research installing a sauna before you decide to commit to this type of project.

Thomas Oak writes articles for http://www.hot-sauna.com If you are in the market for a new sauna stop and take a look at Hot-Sauna.com and see whats new in the world of far infrared saunas and get of all the latest information on a new home sauna , sauna heaters, steam saunas, sauna kits and steam saunas for your home.

Haley, 38, consulted with me because her boyfriend had just broken up with her. Shocked and broken-hearted, she tearfully told me about how wonderful he was and about how she didn’t know how she could survive this break up.

Haley and Owen had been together for over 2 years and were making plans to get married. They had been having a hard time, with lots of fights, but Haley thought that things were still okay between them.

Haley had been through many such break-ups and had been equally broken-hearted each time. She was terrified of having to go through the same agony she had previously experienced when her relationships had ended.

As we explored what had happened in the relationship, it was evident that Haley had repeated a pattern that had started in her childhood and had continued through all her relationships. As a child, Haley was constantly trying to get her father’s attention and approval. Only his attention and approval made her feel lovable and worthy. As an adult, she continued making her boyfriends responsible for her sense of worth. Once she handed to a boyfriend the responsibility for defining her worth and lovability, she then had to try to have control over his treating her the way she wanted to be treated so that she felt loved and worthy.

Her controlling behavior took many forms: anger, blame, tears, lectures, withdrawal, complaints, and so on. When Haley was getting what she wanted, she was warm and loving and alive. But as soon as Owen didn’t attend to her in the way she wanted, she would get upset and blame him for her feelings.

Owen, like so many of her boyfriends, was a caretaker who tried to take responsibility for Haley’s feelings. Yet after awhile, because it never really worked for long, he became tired and overwhelmed by the responsibility of her feelings and ended the relationship.

Haley believed that she was broken-hearted because of Owen abandoning her by ending the relationship, but there was another, deeper reason for her heartbreak. The true reason for Haley’s pain was her own self-abandonment.

Haley had been abandoning herself for most of her life by refusing to take responsibility for her own feelings. Instead of learning about how she was treating herself when she felt alone, anxious, or depressed, she always looked for someone or something outside of herself to make her feel better.

Haley was abandoning herself in numerous ways. The major way was that she was highly judgmental toward herself, constantly telling herself that she was not good enough. Then, rather than taking responsibility for the fact that she was making herself feel awful with her self-judgments, she would look to another person - in this case Owen - to make her feel better. When he didn’t say or do what she wanted him to, she would get angry at him, blaming him for her feelings. Not only was she abandoning herself with her self-judgments and her refusal to take responsibility for how she was treating herself, she then further abandoned herself by making Owen responsible for her.

Haley was devoted to believing that Owen was causing her heartbreak, and as long as she refused to take responsibility for being the cause of her own pain, she would continue to suffer from feelings of aloneness, anxiety, and depression. She was breaking her own heart by her refusal to take responsibility for her feelings.

Fortunately, Haley decided that this was the last time she would suffer like this. She learned the 6 Steps of Inner Bonding and is practicing taking responsibility for her own feelings. She is well on her way to healing her heartbreak!

Margaret Paul, Ph.D. is the best-selling author and co-author of eight books, including “Do I Have To Give Up Me To Be Loved By You?” and